WHERE'S WEBER

the end

2011-12-12T11:57:00.003-05:00

I don't know what to say. I can't seem to find time nor the words to reflect on what is going on right now. Incredible. Exhausting. Overwhelming. Beautiful. Sad. All these statements are so obvious and yet I can't seem to write.

So here we are in the last three weeks. We have already started hitting the big cities. Cities filled with friends, tears, curtain calls, final pieces and always new challenges.

All I can do is be in this moment for it all. So here are the final cities. I might not be back. I don't know. It's all so big.

City #49 - Chicago

City #50 - DC, Kennedy Center

City # 51 - NYC, BAM

City #52 - Paris (we leave tonight)

AND...

City #53 - NYC, the Armory

another travel day towards another hotel towards another theater

2011-11-13T18:09:00.004-05:00

City #48 - Champaign Urbana

I'm tired.

We are just beginning the fourth week of this four week tour. (Our last four week tour)

It is ALWAYS the third week that ends up being hump week, even if it is a six week tour. It does not help that both South Bend and Urbana have us staying along a highway.

Here's a picture from our travel day. Traveling from Indiana to Illinois. I got a cone from DQ and was amazed at how fake it looked. Ha! I'm also amazed at how tired I look.

Holding on

2011-11-08T21:54:00.003-05:00

City #46 - Minneapolis

City #47 - South Bend

What an unusual time this is to know every performance we have brings us closer to our final performance.

I have struggled to make the most of every moment on stage. The problem with this is the pressure I put on myself to "have a good show". It doesn't work like that. There is no rhyme or reason of what makes a good show. We all have our rituals, but they don't really make a difference...or at least not for me, not really.

Good shows are a surprise. Everything lines up. My energy is perfectly in the middle of nervous adrenaline and calm confidence. There is a joy and ease and even after all these years I couldn't tell you how to get there directly. It's a wonderful mystery to me.

So I say this because it is time to stop holding on to having a good show, to having it mean more than just this moment. We have 7 venues left. Only about 30 performances.

I don't think I'm going to worry about holding on or letting go anymore.

It just gets in the way.

enjoying the sunshine!

2011-11-01T11:40:00.007-04:00

City #45 - Stanford

Sunshine in California is a wonderful thing especially when you know there is a snowstorm back home in New York. It's lovely to have a little sun.

Yesterday we went to a vineyard and had what might be our last tour picnic. It was a good one.

We perform our final Nearly Ninety 2 tonight and then head to Minneapolis tomorrow.

Seattle was wonderful. I was able to see my aunt and uncle (Leslie and Ron) and an old friend from school. Both visits made me excited about all the prospects in my future.

We don't have to be so nervous about what's next. There can always be a challenge or an inspiration...you just have to find or create it.

Can this really be it?

2011-10-25T17:23:00.003-04:00

City #43 - London

City #44 - Seattle

Our last and final show at the Barbican Theater in London was October 8th, 2011. What has taken place since that show has been the reality that the end is near. We are almost done. I feel excited, sad, at times relieved, and sometimes confused. Do I want to stop performing? This decision was made for me. Yet, most of the time I embrace it and I am even ready for it.

Our last show in London was a tremendous experience. The curtain came up and in an amazing moment we simultaneously ran forward, tears streaming down our faces, towards an audience that leap to their feet to meet us, what seemed like, in midair. Truly an indescribable moment. There was curtain call after curtain call which I never wanted to end. I think part of me was afraid it wouldn't ever mean as much to me as it did in those minutes. Thankfully that isn't true.

We are in Seattle now, beginning a four week journey through the States. We begin the final everything. The final pieces. The final cities. In a couple months it will be the final show.

I know I will see many of you and it will be awesome.

a mix between Moscow and Chicago

2011-09-23T04:21:00.003-04:00

City #42 - Berlin, Germany

I am loving it here. What an incredible mix of west and east. I spent our free day walking around by myself. I started out at the Berlin Wall that is now the East Gallery. Three quarters of a mile of murals offering peace and love to all. I walked through markets, Museum Island (so beautiful), to Checkpoint Charlie, through the Holocaust Memorial and back home again through the Tiergarten.

It is so fascinating to be here because on one block you feel Soviet architecture, which is mostly concrete blocks and then really just on the next block you are once again in western Europe. The parks are so groomed and there is public art everywhere that I also sense that I could be in Chicago.

We are performing NN2 this week and then next week a triple bill of Suite for Five, Antic Meet and Duets.

This is our second to last trip to Europe. I am realizing how spoiled I have been to be here so much in the last 8 years. I wonder when will I be back after Dec 31st?

performing in the woods

2011-09-12T18:22:00.005-04:00

City #41 - Bard College, Annandale-on-the-Husdon, NY

Well, not really. We didn't really perform outdoors this time, but the theater at Bard College is set up against the Catskill Mountains, near the Hudson River. It was calming and wonderful to be in the woods and to be near the city all at the same time.

We stayed in Tivoli, a charming one street village.

The programs were a difficult challenge but very rewarding. Suite for Five, Antic Meet and Sounddance. The audience was one of the very best. Being a music college, I believe this audience understood what we do in a different way than most audiences. They laughed, they clapped, they jumped to their feet. It was so fulfilling to perform here.

the theater. a Frank Gehry wave of silver in the middle of the woods

my Suite costume, hanging all by itself

Picture Post, Mexico City #2

2011-09-06T19:11:00.002-04:00

my favorite taco stand

tequila!!!

mummies. CREEPY....

dried grasshoppers

Picture Post, Mexico City #1

2011-09-06T18:43:00.005-04:00

City #40 Mexico City

I loved this city. Mysticism. Tacos, tequila and mezcal. Frida Kahlo. A fulfilling show with our final Minevent for stage. Two extra days due to Hurricane Irene canceling our original flight home.

Here are some pictures:

Teotihuacan - Piramide del Sol

Lucha Libre (we bought masks for Halloween)

high altitude, there was oxygen backstage

Casa Azul, inspiring!

A lot to think about...

2011-07-25T14:28:00.001-04:00

NYC...Lincoln Center this time

2011-07-15T11:33:00.004-04:00

City #39 - NYC

Tomorrow is Merce Fair here in NY. What is "Merce Fair"?

Merce Fair will be a day of Merce Cunningham and John Cage related events. Live performances of dance and music, exhibits, films, open classes and lectures.

All the activities take place in the Rose Theater at Lincoln Center. We will perform twice, once in the afternoon and once at night. Same show. Duets then Squaregame. By the end of the year we will have performed almost our entire rep at different theaters in NY.

I have no idea how many people are coming.

This ends a vibrant and exhausting work period. I look forward to a little time off in Brooklyn to restore my body, my energy and try to reconnect with friends before starting our last long haul.

another city and the films

2011-07-07T09:26:00.002-04:00

City #38 - Dartmouth

We leave for Dartmouth today, for only two days. My life is a whirlwind right now and I am trying to ride it appreciating the ups and downs. There are definitely both.

When I get back from Dartmouth the films I worked on a year ago will have opened.

The Dancer Films

reflection

2011-06-23T03:16:00.000-04:00

Coming from Moscow to the south of France was a respite for most of us. And, I think I can say that it wasn't just for the obvious reasons... the sun that shines brightly off the buildings, the Mediterranean Sea that glistens several shades of blue, or the fresh fruits and vegetables at markets all around town. All that is heavenly don't get me wrong, but what resonated the most for me is that France is home to MCDC. I have been to the south of France with the company close to 10 times in my tenure and it was sobering and beautiful to know that this was our last time here as a group. I think we all appreciated every moment and felt nostalgic for all the other times we have been here.

a book and a website

2011-06-18T17:37:00.004-04:00

City #37 - Marseille

We had a long travel day today, from Moscow to Paris to Marseille. I've had so much on my plate the last 3 months, big stuff that literally took all of my free time, that I haven't been able to relax into a book since the winter. Thankfully everything has calmed down just in the last fews weeks and I'm treasuring my free time again (you've probably noticed my return to Facebook). I've had this book on my Nook since February and eagerly I read it today. At this point on tour I needed a dose of this kind of inspiration.

Today I also discovered my sister's website/blog. Check it out....especially if you want to be healthy!

Dr. Bopp

Moscow

2011-06-15T08:51:00.003-04:00

City #36 - Moscow

I wish I could say I liked it better here, but I just can't. In fact it has been a struggle. The food, the language, even the theater. My energy just doesn't mesh with Russia. I feel like I walk down the street and people are deliberately running into me. Don't get me wrong there are beautiful things. We went to the Kremlin the other day and it is extraordinary. Colorful and grandiose.

I was in St Petersburg years ago and had a better experience. Perhaps it is because of the canals and the smaller scale of the city. I do not know.

I will sigh a breath of relief when we head to France at the end of the week

Above is a photo of the Warhol pillows from the piece Rainforest. We premiered it last night. I got so nervous and oddly in my head about "doing a good job". The high expectations only made me feel shaky, but it is a place to begin. I'm hoping I will calm down about the part and get grounded once again.

Tonight is our final show here, we have a free day tomorrow, and then on Saturday we head to Marseille.

Final Museum Events

2011-06-11T03:40:00.005-04:00

view of the two stages at the Israel Museum

Tonight will be our last two museum performances with the company. It is bittersweet. Personally, dancing in museums around the world has been my very favorite performance opportunity with the company. So specific to Merce's work. The elements of time and space at their very best.

It's interesting because there is a lot of talk of "Time and Space" in Judaism. We took a tour of the Old City and our tour guide discussed these ideas to great lengths. We have also participated in two holiday meals, Shavuot and Shabbot. Again, time and space. It's fitting that we be here, performing in the Israel Museum, dancing to our stopwatches and feeling the openness to change our facings and explore space. Merce loved being in a new space. I miss having him here to add his creative finesse to this space.

We've also been able to do Events in other site specific venues. All so exciting. All such individual experiences.

Over my tenure with the company we have performed in 6 galleries at Dia Beacon, NY, the Reina Sofia in Madrid, Spain, and the Israel Museum, Jerusalem. We have performed outdoors at Stanford, the Glass House, Melbourne Federation Square, and twice in Battery Park (the second one being a week after Merce's death). Two other fun locations were the Craneway Event in California and our recent 3 stage Event in Miami. Merce's Memorial was in the Park Avenue Amory and we will conclude the Legacy Tour once again at the Amory this December. A fitting end.

MCDC in the Middle East

2011-06-05T02:54:00.002-04:00

City #35 Jerusalem

We arrived in Jerusalem two days ago after a long long journey here. I'm still pinching myself that we are here. Our performances begin tomorrow. One evening of rep, Split Sides and Sounddance, and then a series of two stage Events at the Jerusalem Museum. If yesterday was any indication of how incredible this week is going to be, I think I can say confidently that this will be a highlight of my career.

Yesterday we took a tour, as a company (unusual) of Masada and the Dead Sea. To get there we drove through the Judea Desert, along the West Bank, past Jericho, back into Israel and landed on the Dead Sea facing the mountains of Jordan. I can't explain my disbelief that this is happening.

Covering ourselves with mud, from head to toe, and then floating in the Sea is an experience I will never forget.

the tour continues...

2011-05-17T02:54:00.003-04:00

City # 33 Nimes, France
City #34 Weisbaden, Germany

We are back on the road. France and Germany. To be on the road again, doing Merce's work, is very exciting. I have missed it and the nearness of the end is beginning to be a reality.

Here we are in the South of France. Only three more trips to France! The sunlight is different here. It hits the buildings in a way that is almost magical.

Yesterday we had a picnic in the gardens. Here's a picture of the vats of olives and garlic at the market.

New York New York

2011-03-18T19:43:00.004-04:00

City #31 Purchase, NY

City #32 The Joyce, NYC

We have a week more of performances until a well deserved break. We have worked so hard! Sadly my bone spur has been acting up and I feel not as free as I would like heading into a NY season. Yet, I know I can get through this and somehow I will find some joy in the dancing even if there is pain. I look forward to seeing so many friends this week. It's going to be a huge reunion.

I hope to get back to blogging after the week is over.

The warm domestic tour

2011-02-28T08:40:00.002-05:00

City #27 Berkeley

City #28 Austin

City #29 Scottsdale

City #30 Tucson

This afternoon we head out once again. I'm hoping to speak up more on this tour. I've had a lot going on at home (mostly good, no worries) which I feel inclined not to talk about yet. Thanks for checking in...I promise I'll be back eventually.

and now... Michigan

2011-02-13T21:13:00.003-05:00

From Iowa City, to Penn State and now, we've landed in Ann Arbor, Michigan. I haven't been writing. Running in and out of cities, finding food, doing shows, and trying to manage important things at home, I haven't found anything interesting to write about.

We are in Michigan for the next week. We do a film project and two shows. Home on Sunday.

I'm tired and the cold wears me down. The company's ebb and flow seems disjointed to me at the moment. It could just be me?

from Durham to Iowa City

2011-02-07T12:10:00.004-05:00

Durham was wonderful. Three evenings with three great audiences and some surprise visits along the way.

We started the run with an evening called History Matters. Five of us worked on our free day to participate in the evening. It was an informal gathering, which my parents came to. There was a panel discussion, archival footage, and live performance all revolving around the piece Suite for Five. We performed the piece in completion and then hung around to answer questions at the Q & A.

Our two evenings in the big theater, the DPAC, was a triple bill of Duets, Biped and Sounddance. All fun exciting pieces. My parents, sister, brother-in-law, and nephews came to the first evening. This was my nephews' first show. They came backstage beforehand and to my surprise found the stage an appealing place to run around. I had to grab the little guy before he made an exit behind the back curtain. They were like little puppies. J made it through the whole show. E, understandably, fell asleep midway. It was a long night.

My family and I were also able to have a few visits with old old friends who live in the area. It was a special weekend. One night we saw Heather Greene and family, who I haven't seen since the 7th grade, and on the last day we visited with the Cafeiro ladies, who we hadn't seen since high school. Both reunions were really lovely.

We arrived in Iowa City yesterday. The ground is covered in snow and I believe the low will get down to 6 while we are here. I think today will be a good day to catch up....

"Virginia is for Lovers"

2011-02-02T10:51:00.006-05:00

Richmond has been really good. I am on the mend. I have a cough that will probably linger but all and all I am well and so happy to be feeling good.

The theater we performed in was darling. An old town intimate theater, much like the one I remember in downtown Fredericksburg. Being here has brought back a lot of my childhood memories and I have felt an odd sense of loyalty and nostalgia of being a Virginian. I even bought a couple of souvenirs with this logo because I seem to remember having mugs as a child and feeling the need to have a mug in my cabinet in Brooklyn too.

We did two evenings of Events. Last night my high school ballet teacher, Lisa, came with her best friend and about seven students, who are beautiful well mannered young women. When she saw me she grabbed me in the biggest hug, started to cry and said I was just so beautiful. She hasn't seen me with the company until now. Last night couldn't have been more perfect. I miss her dearly as I miss so many people who I just don't get to see anymore. It reminded me, though, that true friendships are everlasting. Those connections that we have that are truly deep will last the test of time and distance.

sick

2011-01-29T10:35:00.003-05:00

Birmingham = the flu.

I've been really sick. I feel like I'm on the mend now, but the last couple of days have been dreadful.

The program was a great one last night. XOVER, Crises and Biped. There was one point in Biped were my legs gave out. It was bizarre to perform so loopy.

We rehearse today. Our rehearsal day includes an hour showing of Suite for Five. We will do Suite in sections with a panel discussion throughout. It's a series called "History Matters".

Tomorrow we travel to Richmond, Virginia

northern domestic leg

2011-01-26T13:21:00.002-05:00

Time to head out for our longest domestic tour since I've been in the company. This leg is going to be cold, colder and freezing. I'm not complaining because I am happy to be in the States for awhile.

Being in the States means I will be able to use my telephone whenever I want and I can watch American television whenever I'm not working - both are a huge comfort. Both Glee and So You Think You Can Dance will be premiering and if we aren't performing you can bet I will be nesting in a hotel room somewhere watching both. I won't be the only one.

Here's the rundown:

City #21 Birmingham, Alabama

City #22 Richmond, Virginia

City #23 Durham, North Carolina (my nephews first show)

City #24 Iowa City, Iowa

City #25 State College, Pennslvania

City #26 Ann Arbor, Michigan (we will be filming and performing)

When we return we have one week home and then head out on the second leg of this domestic adventure. We will be rewarded with southern warmer states.

I'm a little under the weather. A chest cold and sore throat. It was bound to happen. I've been running on fumes, not sleeping right from Hong Kong, and have had a general sense of strain.

The Dancer films that I worked on last summer are finished and will hopefully find their way to festivals. It has been hard on me seeing them on the "big" screen. Me Me Me. There's a lot of pressure involved and I have had to come to terms with the permanency of film, which is so very different from live theater and dance. I'm used to an individual performance evaporating once it is done and there always being another try down the road.

With that in mind I will try to enjoy all the moments I have left being on stage, letting each performance be its own story.

What time is it?

2011-01-19T07:48:00.008-05:00

Entrance to the Nan Lian Gardens

Chi Lin Nunnery - a beautiful and serene experience

My favorite picture. People praying at Wong Tai Sin Temple

I'm home and adjusting. Jet lag has hit me hard this time. Waking up at 3 AM hard. It seems more difficult than usual, but maybe I just can't remember. The last time I came home from Asia (Seoul then Hong Kong) was almost 7 years ago and I just cannot remember how I dealt with the time difference.

I haven't blogged in awhile and I'm not quite sure how much to report. The holidays were wonderful. I was with family for about 10 days and it was a mixture of amazing food, play with the kids, moments of calm, and lots of art projects (such as sock puppets). The snow hit us perfectly so we did have a white Christmas. It was pretty. I was happy to not be in Brooklyn for the blizzard.

Our first gig of the New Year, of the second year of the two year Legacy Tour (how quickly it goes by), and of 2011 was Hong Kong. I had a wonderful time. It's one of the first times that I have gone to a city that I've been to before and have not had any expectations. It was such a short time and so far away that I wanted to give myself room for adjustment. This room allowed me a lot of free time to really observe the culture. I was inspired.

If you wander around the city in the morning, especially to the parks, you will see person after person meditating or practicing some sort of physical practice such as tai chai or dancing with fans. Each individual I past was completely in their body and not at all concerned with being watch. The fusion of spiritual and physical and the inhabited nature of daily practicing made me jealous to not have a morning ritual of my own. I was also amazed to see the commitment to prayer at the temples.

We got to go out on a boat to see pink dolphins which was kind of extraordinary. There really are pink dolphins! I also had some of the best sushi of my life, fun noodles, an incredible egg tart, and our final night was at a hot pot joint where we laughed so hard that I had sore abdominal muscles the next day.

February 1st is the Chinese New Year and 2011 will be the Year of the Rabbit. 1975, we are rabbits!

I have one more week at home before we head out on a domestic tour. It will be nice to be in the states for awhile.

Hong Kong

2011-01-10T09:17:00.001-05:00

City #20 Hong Kong

We just arrived and will only be here through Sunday. A short trip. My computer is in the shop and has been for the last week. Hoping to give a good update when I return to the states.

2011

2011-01-01T08:46:00.000-05:00

When possible.....

"Smile, breathe and go slowly."
— Thich Nhat Hanh

Happy Happy New Year!

staying present

2010-12-29T19:34:00.008-05:00

I've been thinking of the New Year a lot this month getting excited to bring in the new and let go of the old. Resolutions are fun for me. I like cleaning house. Having something to work on is a place where I thrive, strange as that might seem.

This morning in yoga the instructor brought us through the Niyamas* as we began our back bending series. When he got to Santosha**, which is the practice of contentment, I realized I have found this practice in some capacity. I'm content. Don't get me wrong, there are things I long for, but my relationship to having them is changed, at least for now. Call it faith, call it a product of meditation, call it the reality check that I only have 12 months left of my dream job and that being present is really really important, I don't know but it is there.

So for 2011 I'd like to continue BEING PRESENT.

Recently I've been fascinated by the moment that a very bad mood turns into a good mood. Considering that my bad moods usually involve self pity and tears I am thankfully to be present to that moment of shift.

I really have so much to be thankful for. A wonderful job, beautiful friends, a home that is a sanctuary, and a family that supports me.

What else for 2011?

1. finish my yoga certification and begin teaching

2. take Horticulture 101 at the Brooklyn Botanic Gardens in hopes to get certification eventually

3. when I'm home, relax more (looks like we are going to be away 30-35 weeks this year)

4. love dancing!

5. more markets, more picnics, more cooking

A couple of footnotes, ha!

*The five specific niyamas are to be practiced within one’s self in order to live free from the attachments which cause suffering and separation from the Whole. The five niyamas are: purity (saucha), contentment (santosha), austerity (tapas), self-study (svadhayaya), and devotion to the Lord (isvara pranidanah).

**Contentment is serenity, but not complacency. It is comfort, but not submission; reconciliation, not apathy; acknowledgment, not aloofness. Contentment is a mental decision, a moral choice, a practiced observance, a step into the reality of the cosmos. Contentment/santosha is the natural state of our humanness and our divinity and allows for our creativity and love to emerge. It is knowing our place in the universe at every moment. It is unity with the largest, most abiding, reality.

to the New Year

2010-12-12T09:58:00.000-05:00

Always seek less turbulent skies. Hurt. Fly above it. Betrayal. Fly above it. Anger. Fly above it. You are the one who is flying the plane.

-Marianne Williamson

and just like that it has been a year

2010-12-06T11:05:00.004-05:00

dancing on three stages. yes, one was red.

the artwork was in the house

wearing Robert Rauschenberg's Interscape costume for the last time

Our final Event in Miami was Saturday night, which was our final show of 2010. We continue rehearsing in NY this week, but my feeling is that Saturday's show marked one year down.

Looking back at the last year is like all years in the company. It seems like it went by so fast yet so much happened. If I think of last February, last July, or even the 5 week tour we just finished all of those trips feel like ages ago. How can it go by so quickly and seem like an eternity?

As we turn the corner into 2011 we will be outside of NY more than most years. I think we are tallying something like 30 - 35 weeks away (or at least that's what I heard from one of the people in production). We start in Hong Kong after the new year. We will hit domestic towns like Durham, Scottsdale, Ann Arbor and Austin. And internationally we will get to experience Jerusalem, Moscow, Mexico City and Berlin, to name a few. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for Colorado to come through. I cannot say it enough...THIS IS IT. Please come see the company if we are in a city near you - merce.org has a very thorough schedule, which is constantly being updated.

Miami was wonderful, even though we were all still jet lagged from Europe and dancing pretty worn out. I was really inspired by how beautiful my colleagues are.

It seems silly to have a tan and to look outside at the snow falling on the ground. I really cannot believe that winter has just begun. Staying chipper is going to be a challenge, but a challenge worth taking on. Thankfully the park is still beautiful and perhaps getting back into a routine of spending sometime there in the morning might keep me open to appreciating this season as much as the others.

hello sunshine!

2010-11-29T07:53:00.006-05:00

City #19... MIAMI!

What is there to say except that spending a week in Miami, whether we are working or not, is perfect right now. It's 80 degrees and there is a fantastic pool on the roof of our hotel.

There will be cuban food and fresh crab and a party at the Standard after opening night, but mostly I'm so excited about soaking up some sunshine in December.

We are participating in Art Basel Miami. We are performing for three nights, two shows a night. We are doing a three stage Event, which will honor the collaboration between Merce, John Cage and Robert Rauschenberg. Events are one of my favorite things to do.

Last time we were in Miami we traveled to Captiva Island and spent a day with Rauschenberg and his amazing team. That was one of the many days where I've pinched myself to remember how incredible this all is.

Here's an excerpt from a preview:

MCDC in Miami article

"The Merce Cunningham Dance Company's debut performance at the Adrienne Arsht Center three years ago featured the company in its full glory, performing a world premiere plus several of Cunningham’s stunning, signature repertory works. Now, the company returns as part of the historic Legacy Tour, defying traditional performance expectations in typical Cunningham fashion, and inviting the audience onto the stage to experience the performance in an unforgettably intimate fashion. This special 30-minute performance installation will transform the stage with three large, multi-level sets where all 14 dancers will perform simultaneously. Audience members will have the opportunity to move freely throughout the space, experiencing the performance from every angle and perspective.

The Merce Cunningham Dance Company's special Miami performance installation will pay homage to the groundbreaking, multi-disciplinary collaboration between Cunningham, composer John Cage, and visual artist Robert Rauschenberg. Unique to this Merce Cunningham Dance Company engagement, dancers will wear original Rauschenberg costumes from the Cunningham/Rauschenberg work Interscape (2000) for every performance. In a nod to Cunningham’s most recent artistic collaboration, celebrated Miami/New York visual artist Daniel Arsham will create a special, site-specific installation in the Sanford and Dolores Ziff Ballet Opera House for the duration of the Merce Cunningham Dance Company engagement."

My Brooklyn

2010-11-24T04:18:00.004-05:00

Prospect Park close to my home

At this time tomorrow we will be on the plane home. We are waving our contract to leave very early to make it home for Thanksgiving. Thank you Jen for cooking us a feast. Can't wait to give you a hug....

Amiens is a lovely little town. The largest Gothic cathedral in France that houses the skull of St. John the Baptist. Canals that resemble a "little Venice". Beautiful gardens.

All this would be wonderful if we all weren't so tired.

I have been fighting a cold for days now. I think I beat it thanks to swallowing a whole clove of garlic everyday (I'd swear by this). I only want to be in my room watching my latest addiction - Dexter.

Tonight is our final show of this tour. Nearly Ninety 2.

Brooklyn. My Brooklyn. I can't wait to see you again.

Trying on hats in Paris

2010-11-21T05:08:00.002-05:00

Metz

2010-11-19T11:01:00.003-05:00

One of the Chagall stained glass windows in the Cathedrale St-Etienne. Stunning.

We arrived in Metz after a day long bus ride through France. We are all spent. Now it is time to go home. The end is in sight, I know, but I think this week will be long.

I did have a lovely morning. Went to the Cathedral, looked at the stained glass Chagalls and lit a candle. Hopped over to the market to get some fish for dinner and then meandered through town. Christmas villages are popping up. We might even be here for the opening of one.

This afternoon I went to The Pompidou - Metz. Incredible!

Tomorrow we do one show of Nearly Ninety 2.

I'm rundown.

Beauty

2010-11-18T03:13:00.002-05:00

"Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything that is beautiful; for beauty is God's handwriting - a wayside sacrament. Welcome it in every fair face, in every fair sky, in every fair flower, and thank God for it as a cup of blessing."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Clermont - Ferrand

2010-11-16T12:56:00.004-05:00

Cathedrale Notre - Dame de l'Assomption de Clermont

We arrived in Clermont - Ferrand yesterday evening. Rehearsal today, show tomorrow and then we head to the next town on Thursday.

This morning I walked to the old part of town. The old town basically is the above cathedral, a Michelin store, a covered market, and some shops all within a 5 to 6 block radius. It's nice to be in the smaller towns again. No pressure to see or do a lot, which is perfect timing because we are tired.

Tomorrow we do an exciting show. CRWDSPCR, Antic Meet and Sounddance.

Our last day in Paris was wonderful.

A few of us went to the St. Sulpice Cathedral and went up to the organ to hear mass from beside the organist. It was a Rick Steve's recommend and it did not disappoint. It made me very reverent. Had an Andrea moment, though. While we were listening to him play the recessional, I was leaning on the banister looking down at the sanctuary from high above. A few moments before he finished, while playing the finale, I changed positions and accidently switched off the lights to the entire organ. Oops. Apparently this happens often because the light switch is oddly placed. Still embarrassing though.

Afterwards we had a final afternoon feast at Cafe Louis Philippe. Oysters, chevre chaud, and boeuf au poivre. The peppercorns in the poivre sauce actually burst.

That evening 3 of us went on a Seine cruise to see the buildings from below. Touristy yes, but worth it. Gorgeous!

I have fallen in love with Paris more so this time then times past. I look forward to returning in a year.

I am beginning to let myself miss Brooklyn. Only 9 more days.

quote from the back of our program here in Paris

2010-11-12T18:09:00.002-05:00

"If a dancer dances - which is not the same as having theories about dancing or wishing to dance or trying to dance or remembering in his body someone else's dance - but if the dancer dances, everything is there... our ecstasy in dance comes from the possible gift or freedom, the exhilarating moment that this exposing of the bare energy can give us. What is meant is not license, but freedom..."

Merce Cunningham 1952

bad blood

2010-11-09T03:02:00.002-05:00

We begin our second week at Theatre de la Ville tonight. An entire run of Roaratorio.

I haven't the best track record with this piece. My ankle aggravation last winter. Roaratorio. My knee injury last summer. Roaratorio. And now, I micro sprained my ankle yesterday doing our first run through. Turned my ankle. I never turn my ankles.

I've decided that I need to reinvent my relationship with the piece. Find my inner Irish. Become fond of jigging and bouncing around. Be joyful that I get to dance even if it is in a pair of shining tan tights and a muted green leotard. ha!

Yay to Roaratorio!

sneak peak

2010-11-07T03:18:00.004-05:00

Here's a glimpse of what we have been doing all week. This is from a section in Antic Meet, called Social. This week was one of the most memorable weeks of performing I've had in my seven years with the company, especially opening night on Wednesday. Today is a free day and then we begin our second week in Paris with Program B... Roaratorio.

opening night

2010-11-03T03:41:00.003-04:00

Tonight we open our triple bill at Theatre de la Ville, Paris. It is an exciting evening.

We have two revivals that premiere tonight - two of the six pieces being brought back specifically for the Legacy Tour. Pond Way and Antic Meet. Pond Way I have done before. It was in the rep when I joined the company but hasn't been performed since April 22nd, 2005. Antic Meet, oddly enough, was originally revived on my understudy group, which was a fun and important project to have so early on in our Cunningham experience. A few of us get to do the same parts we did then. The third piece, which has been in our rep for several years and is the middle piece, will be Secondhand.

Secondhand and Antic Meet are double cast, so every evening won't be as hard as the next. I do all three pieces tonight and then only Pond Way tomorrow night.

I think this week is going to be a lot of fun. Antic Meet has props, lots of them. I feel like something is bound to go wrong which will have us all laughing.

the Chunnel

2010-10-31T04:33:00.006-04:00

We are finished with our run at the Barbican, London. Now it's two weeks at Theatre de la Ville in Paris. I'm relieved.

London depresses me just enough that I'm not sure why I'm glum? I think this is partly because the area that the theater is in has minimal energy, shuts down at night like downtown LA and also because London is grey, a lot. I felt lonely much of the week.

The program we did there, Nearly Ninety, is really really hard. Merce's work is known for its difficulty, which we are obviously drawn towards, but this one really takes the cake. We've started calling it Nearly Impossible and we do some of the movement to the Mission Impossible theme for fun. Got to laugh about it somehow. Doing this work has a certain amount of "failure" - I hesitate to use that word. We balance so much in crazy poses and it really is impossible not to wobble and strain. I believe that aspect interested Merce, the struggle, and it interests us and seasoned audience members as well. That said, usually in an evening the failures are outweighed by the successes. In Nearly Ninety, the ratio feels much closer together, so this piece began to play with our confidence. I think I can say that the majority of the company are happy the week is done.

Nearly Ninety will now be archived. It's the first piece in the current rep to be retired.

I saw some good friends in London and will have a few show up in Paris too.

Paris. I love it here.

We took the Eurostar through the Chunnel to get here. Over ten years ago, Melanie and I began our backpacking trip through Europe this way. Summer of 1999.

Paris.

So many amazing markets to explore. I have a friend here who knows Paris better than me and I will meet up with him tomorrow. This was his suggestion for the day.... sounds perfect.

"so we find a market and some nice cafe's, churches, bridges, alleys"

first day at the Barbican

2010-10-25T08:04:00.003-04:00

We have our first rehearsal of Nearly Ninety tonight at the Barbican. We open tomorrow night. This is the original version of Merce's final piece which premiered at BAM on his 90th birthday, April 16th, 2009.

We haven't done Nearly Ninety since Madrid May 2009. We haven't performed this version since Merce's death. This week will also be the final time we will perform this version. As we head into the final year of touring we will begin to perform works for the last time. I'm trying to stay present to this reality and know when it is happening so I can fully experience each work for the last time.

I am well. Tired and a little achy... probably from the plane ride and jet lag.

I tried to make a pumpkin soup in my half kitchen this morning. Took me three hours to finish it. The knives are mediocre and the pots are small. I have leftover pumpkin for days. I won't be carving anymore gourds or squash in the remaining weeks.

A wave of memories

2010-10-23T07:18:00.003-04:00

I've landed in London.

We haven't been here for two years.

As we made our way to our apartment/hotel I was flooded with memories from Londons past. The last trip especially. I was in such a different place...

I was on the verge of change - not really knowing what that would be or how, but felt the looming. I was also coming back from a calf tear. Still hobbling around. I don't think I left the Barbican neighborhood even once. I was too afraid to push my body. In fact, I remember spending most of my free time in the PT room. Somehow I thought if I was just in the presence of our therapist I would heal faster.

I also had a big mishap at the end of our last run. Funny thing is that the minute we stepped into our Apart'hotel this afternoon a handful of company members looked at me and said "do you remember leaving your passport here last time, ha ha". Like it would be hard for me to forget? Here's the short story....

I realized I had left my passport in my hotel safe on line at the check - in at Heathrow. Panic! Then action. Jumped in a taxi (expensive). Made my way back to the hotel. Got my passport. Jumped in another taxi (expensive). Caught the next flight to Amsterdam. Got myself to the Amsterdam train station. Bought a ticket to Breda (expensive). Got into Breda late at night. It was one of those days were I was exhausted and annoyed yet grateful it all worked out.

Hopefully this London run will be better all around. I'm starting it with the Borough Market just across the Thames. Can't wait to stock my kitchen with fresh food.

4 hours

2010-10-22T13:33:00.004-04:00

I can't believe I head out for our 5 week tour in a couple hours. I spent the morning with visits from friends which was unusual and wonderful. I don't usually get a fanfare before leaving. Wish I could just be at the airport. I always dislike the moment when I step out of my apartment. My home.

I feel like I have a lot to say and I've been asked if I'm going to revive this blog some while away. I will try. Feeling rushed at the moment to write much right now but I wanted to document our upcoming cities seeing that I have been consistent with that over the last year.

City #14 London

City #15 Paris

City #16 Clermont - Ferrand

City #17 Metz

City #18 Amiens

fabella and other things

2010-10-16T08:15:00.005-04:00

As I continue my knee rehab, my doctor and I are learning more about what is going on. Thanks to my amazing PT we have finally discovered where some of my discomfort has come from. As she guessed I have a fabella. 10-20% of people have it. It is an extra bone near the fibula, often called the bean. My PT had suspected that it flipped last June causing irritation and severe swelling. Here's a mediocre picture. My fabella is that dot to the left of the big bones. It looks like a water drop.

I have also been diagnosed with condromalacia - stage one thinning of the cartilage around my patella. Nothing alarming but uncomfortable and will need constant attention and care as I continue forward with Cunningham. This week I picked up a fancy knee brace, ordered from Germany, that I can wear on planes, after difficult shows and for excessive walking. I can put it in the frig and put it on after a show and it will act as a anti-inflammatory. Very cool.

We leave for a long tour this Friday. My 44 days sure went by quickly. We are away for 5 weeks, come home for a long Thanksgiving weekend, and then head to Miami for a week. This long tour begins in London, then Paris for two weeks, and then three other small French towns. I hope to pace myself better on this one then I have in the past. It has been two years since being in London. Much was different in my life when I was in London last time. Isn't it strange how a city can recall certain events or times in our lives? Songs do this too.

I've been up to a couple of other things the last two weeks. I actually have more than I can chew right now, but somehow I'm keeping my head above all the things I have to do before we leave.

Last weekend I started a yoga teacher's training program. It is a four weekend course. They are allowing me to do two weekends this month since I have to leave and then the hope will be that I can do the last two weekends next spring. I'm trying to accumulate more tools for when I finish up at MCDC. I'm going to have to make money somehow. The great thing is that I was able to apply for a grant through Career Transitions for Dancers. I applied for both the training program and the grant in a whim last August and both kind of miraculously came through.

Not sure I really have the time to be doing this right now, but I will figure it out. That bag always gets packed, the bills get paid and my apartment gets cleaned before I head to the airport.

"The Universe gives you what you need when you are ready for it"

I believe this is true.

Ode to Autumn

2010-10-08T15:45:00.003-04:00

Andrea and Jovan,

photo directed and taken by Erich

Ode to Autumn -John Keats SEASON of mists and mellow fruitfulness,
Close bosom-friend of the maturing sun;
Conspiring with him how to load and bless
With fruit the vines that round the thatch-eaves run;
To bend with apples the moss'd cottage-trees,	5
And fill all fruit with ripeness to the core;
To swell the gourd, and plump the hazel shells
With a sweet kernel; to set budding more,
And still more, later flowers for the bees,
Until they think warm days will never cease;	10
For Summer has o'erbrimm'd their clammy cells.

Who hath not seen thee oft amid thy store?
Sometimes whoever seeks abroad may find
Thee sitting careless on a granary floor,
Thy hair soft-lifted by the winnowing wind;	15
Or on a half-reap'd furrow sound asleep,
Drowsed with the fume of poppies, while thy hook
Spares the next swath and all its twinèd flowers:
And sometimes like a gleaner thou dost keep
Steady thy laden head across a brook;	20
Or by a cyder-press, with patient look,
Thou watchest the last oozings, hours by hours.

Where are the songs of Spring? Ay, where are they?
Think not of them, thou hast thy music too,—
While barrèd clouds bloom the soft-dying day	25
And touch the stubble-plains with rosy hue;
Then in a wailful choir the small gnats mourn
Among the river-sallows, borne aloft
Or sinking as the light wind lives or dies;
And full-grown lambs loud bleat from hilly bourn;	30
Hedge-crickets sing; and now with treble soft
The redbreast whistles from a garden-croft;
And gathering swallows twitter in the skies.

Splendor in the Grass

2010-09-28T07:48:00.006-04:00

So heartbreakingly wonderful.

Splendor In The Grass

What though the radiance which was once so bright

Be now for ever taken from my sight,

Though nothing can bring back the hour

Of splendor in the grass, of glory in the flower

We will grieve not, rather find

Strength in what remains behind;

In the primal sympathy

Which having been must ever be;

In the soothing thoughts that spring

Out of human suffering;

In the faith that looks through death,

In years that bring the philosophic mind.

William Wordsworth

Back at it

2010-09-26T15:13:00.004-04:00

City #12 New York City

City #13 New Brunswick, NJ

We head into a long week starting tomorrow. We open the Fall For Dance Festival at City Center on Tuesday and Wednesday. We will be doing Xover, which will be our first NY show of the Legacy Tour. It's a piece that premiered at Dartmouth in 2007 and is a Cunningham, Rauschenberg, Cage collaboration. We wear white unitards, which in my opinion look great on everyone.

Friday we head to New Brunswick to do one show of Nearly Ninety 2.

We have a two day weekend, thank goodness and then on Monday Oct 4th we are back in New York for a benefit Event at the BAC (Baryshnikov Arts Center). We will be doing Occasion Piece 2, an Event that was created last spring featuring Misha doing three of Merce's solos in between excerpts, which we will perform, from an array of repertory pieces.

So many friends are coming out to support us. Should I be nervous?

Timshel

2010-09-21T09:04:00.006-04:00

These photos are from this morning. I had some visitors. My commitment to go to the park every morning (or at least most mornings) is really affecting my day. I feel calmer. I feel more connected. Slowly I'm feeling restored after the difficult summer. I have more to give.

I've been thinking about choice a lot lately. Probably because it is such an important theme in East of Eden and I can't shake how much this book has impacted me. The ability to choose is definitely empowering. Recently I have finally got that choosing to accept is even more empowering.

I'd love to include an excerpt (a lengthy one) from East of Eden. It's the introduction of timshel, a hebrew word meaning "Thou mayest".

Timshel excerpt

2010-09-13T08:29:00.002-04:00

The Grapes of Wrath

(picture taken from outside my tent when camping last weekend)

I just finished reading this. All these years without reading his work, not knowing the impact his writing would have on me. Thank you John Steinbeck.

I have to quote a little.

"Goes, 'Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lif' up his fellow, but woe to him that is alone when he falleth, for he hath not another to help him up.' "

"Just a little bit more. 'Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone? And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him, and a three-fold cord is not quickly broken.' "

- John Steinbeck

To my parents

2010-09-11T07:13:00.002-04:00

Happy 45th Anniversary!

44 days

2010-09-08T07:48:00.002-04:00

We have 44 days before we head out on the road again. Strange and wonderful! When we do head out again it will be a whirlwind until the end of this thing. 14 months of everywhere.

Unfortunately I am feeling very exhausted after this summer. I think it is a combination of things...my knee injury, the filming, the heat, an intense reconstruction at Cunningham, and seeing a lot of people go through things.

So I have decided that I am going to be really present to my time in Brooklyn these 44 days. I commit to nesting and resting as much as I can. I tend to overbook myself so instead I will book being in Brooklyn as part of my schedule. I want to spend as much time in Prospect Park as possible. I want to see the leaves change colors.

I have one day trip planned to go apple and pumpkin picking and I have one short trip to North Carolina to book.

Here's to autumn. To restoring my energy. I'm off to the park, coffee in hand, for a short walk before I start my day.

Intersection

2010-09-01T18:35:00.005-04:00

I had such a good time in Erfurt. It is a lovely town with a funny little name. Not too big, so we were able to rest while also feeling like we saw the town and did things. Erfurt is part of what was Eastern Germany, so there are remnants of Russia's leadership in road signs and personality.

My German roots definitely appear when we are in German cities. I cannot speak the language but I feel much more comfortable than in French speaking countries. I find the food very tasty. Bratwurst, sauerkraut, red cabbage, dumplings and mustard. All foods I grew up eating.

I had a magical moment when I realized that there was an intersection of my names not far from the center of town. Andreasstrasse intersecting with Webergasse. Now I realize that it is Andreas, not Andrea, but still....

For a moment I thought if I closed my eyes and made a wish it would come true. At this intersection is a church. Andreaskirche. It is an old quaint church that really moved me. I ended up going to service on Sunday morning, which I have only done once before on tour (mostly because we are always so tired). The service was lead by a small stout female pastor with kind eyes. I couldn't understand anything but the Lord's Prayer, but I was completely captivated. I will always think of it as my church.

I love that the candles are in clay bowls. I lit the small one on the left front of these pictures for someone special.

The shows were great. It's been a long time since I've felt that way. My body is strong again and I am so happy. Our third show was an Event. One of my fellow dancers needed to step out of the show because of a back injury so we rearranged things. I suddenly had A LOT to do and what a relief to be able to handle a difficult show.

When we landed at JFK last night I checked my voice mail and I received good news. The MRI results of my knee showed that there is no meniscal tear. I do have some "softening" of the cartilage under my kneecap and in the back of my knee, which I will learn more about at my follow up appointment. I guess softening is a type of degeneration, but I will take that over a tear.

I am so relieved!

Erfurt

2010-08-25T13:46:00.003-04:00

Erfurt, Germany - City 11

Tonight we fly to Erfurt. We are on the road again. It's a quick trip...only three shows and then back on Tuesday. Two shows of Nearly Ninety 2 and one 75 minute Event.

I feel like I'm going back to school and I didn't really have much of a summer. It's strange. Could be because I had such an idyllic summer last year and this summer couldn't compete? Could be that this summer was filled with work and injury and I had to focus? Probably a little of both. All I know is that I have that bummed out gotta get back into it heavy heart. I am not ready for cold weather, that's for sure! 60 - 7o degrees in Erfurt.

Just a little update on my body. I am much improved and have worked really hard to get here. I have rebuilt the muscles around my knee and finally feel strong again. I still have some trace swelling so I went for an MRI this morning to see if there is a tear or not. My PT and I agreed that it's best to have all the information going into the next 16 months. I can't believe there are only 16 months left.

A bit of perspective

2010-08-23T07:50:00.002-04:00

A friend recommended this documentary. It's an account of a German woman, Fini, who is deaf and blind and her journey helping others with the same affliction. It is beautiful and tragic. Definitely gave me a moment of perspective given that I have been feeling agitated lately.

Things that make me happy #3

2010-08-20T22:35:00.002-04:00

Seeing my dad with his siblings....

Black Gold

2010-08-13T09:15:00.001-04:00

A moving documentary about the Ethiopian coffee trade. Check it out...

Black Gold

Listen till Sunday

2010-08-11T07:06:00.003-04:00

Here's an interesting broadcast on what happens to a dance company after a choreographer dies.

Merce and Pina

Patience

2010-08-07T11:56:00.003-04:00

Waiting is inevitable in life. The catch, because there is one, is that just because there is a lot of waiting doesn't mean that you inevitably have patience. Patience is how you wait and it takes practice.

Patience has been coming up a lot in my life. I remember my mother telling me a long time ago..."be careful when you ask for patience because it doesn't come easy - you have to work for it". Very wise. Very true.

There are things that I want that I believe would make my life fuller and I feel like I've been waiting for long enough. Patience.

There are people I care about who are going through uncertain or tough times. Waiting for answers. Waiting for change. How can I be a better friend? How can I feel useful? Patience.

There are those things in life that I know in my soul are trivial but bug me every single day. Knowing it's not worth it and being hard on myself for letting it affect me. Patience.

Patience has a lot to do with faith, doesn't it? I think they must be best friends.

In India there were these fantastic road signs that read:

HASTE LEADS TO ACCIDENT

I was so inspired at the time. Recently I was looking through old photos and I came upon a photo of me under one of the signs. We pulled off the road so I could document it.

I want to have faith that I will look back at this time and understand why. The waiting isn't easy but maybe the lesson will be worth it if I end up with a little patience.

One year

2010-07-25T19:48:00.004-04:00

Merce in Antic Meet

Tomorrow will be the one year anniversary of Merce's passing. Somedays it seems like it was yesterday. Somedays it seems like it was a long time ago.

We begin reconstructing Antic Meet tomorrow. Antic Meet is the first piece I learned as an understudy 8 years ago. It was a special project that our group got to have...and it was really special, lots of funny memories. It has never been performed by a company since the original cast. This reconstruction premieres in Paris this fall.

Things that make me happy #2

2010-07-22T07:31:00.002-04:00

I don't want to put it down.

Tivoli

2010-07-21T07:34:00.002-04:00

This afternoon Daniel and I will head to Tivoli, NY to do a lec/dem at the Kaatsbaan school. We will be doing Suite for 2 which is how Merce and Carolyn did it in the beginning. He made it Suite for 5 later. It's fun to be able to do these extra gigs to education young people in Merce's work.

My friend told me to spell Tivoli backwards....I lov it. Hmm?

Roasted Summer Vegetables and Quinoa salad

2010-07-18T13:35:00.003-04:00

I recently had a friend tell me about an incredible food blog called coconutandquinoa, which has beautiful recipes. Yesterday I made a quinoa salad with summer veggies that is sensational. I know sensational is a strong word, but I stand by it. Check the blog out, even for the pictures. It will make you hungry.

Summer Salad

I did make one change to the recipe which was sauteing rather than roasting the vegetables because I didn't want to use my oven in this heat.

Scallop and Plum Ceviche

2010-07-14T19:04:00.003-04:00

I had the day off today so I was able to get to the market and cook a little. Feels good to be in my home. This is a great refreshing summer dish....

Scallop and Plum Ceviche

Combine:

Scallops diced

A few plums diced

Cilantro

Lime - about 1/4 to a 1/3 of a cup

Salt to taste

A pinch of cayenne

Let set until scallops cook from acidity.

A Dance to Spring

2010-07-13T05:56:00.004-04:00

- Jules Feiffer

This was the only image I could find of Spring. There is no text in this one.

Today is our final day in the theater filming the dances.

A Dance to 1967

2010-07-12T05:47:00.002-04:00

In this dance I have symbolized a nation in flux -

establishing fresh approaches to the problems of -

poverty -

crime in the streets -

Vietnam -

and civil rights. -

A Dance to 1967

-Jules Feiffer

*this text will change to be updated to the current time

My day off

2010-07-11T05:24:00.003-04:00

It's been an interesting week.

Today I have a day off and then I start back tomorrow. Two more dances to film, Monday and Tuesday, and then some extra takes on a beach on Thursday. Then we wrap. Crazy! I can't believe we have been doing this for a year and all of sudden it will be over.

I'm realizing and learning so much about filmmaking. In many ways so much of it is a compromise. The biggest compromise, at least in my opinion and limited experience, is between the cinematographer/camera operator (in our case this is the same person) and the artist. Every time I had a great run the camera wasn't quite right. Every time the camera was perfect I pretty much fell over. So, what you get is something in between...both of us think the take was acceptable but maybe not perfect. Maybe I wobbled a little. Maybe my finger was out of the frame. I've had to give up a lot of my ego in this process. What's documented might not have been my best but hopefully the best collaborative effort.

There are also all the unknown elements. For instance this project has its own set which is not the usual dance floor. To create the right look the floor was textured (kind of glittery) and has had to be sanded down many times to make it even possible to dance on. It still isn't ideal, dancing on sandpaper really. My feet are being torn up.

I have to make marks for the camera. On the spot I change the movement just a little to fit into the frame. Watching the playback I can see some of the material looks a little contained rather than as free as I would like. Will anyone else notice? I don't know?

The wig...wow! It's amazing to wear it but it gives every turn I do more force. Kind of incredible to feel centripetal force in action. Hard to negotiate while worrying about a mark. Ha Ha. It is an art though, the wig business. My wig is awesome. So real. Someone came up to me yesterday and told me that she has been confused because she thought there were three dancers. Me, Kit - my stand in, and the girl with the long brown hair actually doing the filming. She had no idea that I was the girl in the long brown wig. Wild.

And then there is the simple fact of the pressure I put on myself to produce a good performance while about 15 people are silently staring at me and knowing that what is filmed isn't going anywhere. Documented for life. Yikes.

On the other side of things, this project has the best crew and director ever. Every one is so kind and giving. It is a love project. A lot of the time anything and everything I could possibly need is thought about before I have thought about it. Whenever I do mention anything it suddenly appears or I have one to three people trying to figure out how to fix my problem. For instance, my foot tape was being torn off my foot and exposing my splits. The assistant to the set designer, Kristen came up with a brilliant way to manage my tape. I do my usual taping and then I stick a clear piece of vinyl tape over which slides on the set. Really brilliant.

I have to mention the women who are taking care of my wig, make up and costume, Leah and Stephanie. After every take they come onto set and fix me up again. I swear they are the reason I have the strength to get through the day. They rock. I love them. And, Kit, who is graciously staying every night to light the next dance. She brings me water and keeps telling me I'm doing a great job. And, Judy and Ellen. The director and the producer - who keep smiling at me and telling me I look pretty just because they know that will lift my spirits, especially in an exhausted state.

Here's a look at my day:

Get up at 5:30, stretch, drink coffee. Go water plants at community farm. Get picked up at 6:45. Drive to Purchase. Warm up from 8-9. Company meeting - I run through the dance to get us all focused on why we are there. Hair (putting on the wig), make up and wardrobe from 9:30-11. Film the dance until 2. Lunch. Run the dance for the next day. Head home. Eat early dinner. In bed by 9.

I still pinch myself that this is even happening. It's very humbling.

It also makes me chuckle that exactly a year ago I was working on a farm.

A Dance To The Loss of Innocence

2010-07-10T05:50:00.005-04:00

In this dance I have symbolized youth, its hopes, its wishes, its dreams, its choice of friends, of lovers, of gods.

Youth - bright and eager to search life for its meaning - certain in the knowledge that it will find that meaning.

And then comes disillusion.

The disappointment of friends - the inadequacy of lovers - the failure of gods.

The gaining of bitter insights - there is no one who doesn't lie - there is nothing incorruptible..

THEY'RE ALL CHEATS AND OUT TO GET YOU! DON'T BELIEVE A SINGLE ONE OF THE NO GOOD DIRTY -

Forget it -

I don't FEEL like dancing.

- Jules Feiffer

A Dance To Art

2010-07-09T05:52:00.003-04:00

In this dance, I celebrate inspiration.

Where, for once, ideas flow..

and I don't have to struggle. Or concentrate. Or correct.

Because it comes out of me pure and complete.

As if someone else created it.

A real artist!

A dance to what I would do if I weren't me but somebody else who's really good.

To ART!

-Jules Feiffer

A Dance To The End of Summer

2010-07-08T06:32:00.003-04:00

In this dance I have symbolized the summer solstice in its declension.

The tides - the sand - the sea -

the summer flowers- the sand pipers - the good fisherfolk.

Insect Repellent - the main boardwalk - baby oil.

All are gathered in an organic unity. All testify to man and nature being as one.

WHAT'S SHE DOING THAT FOR?

TO LOSE WEIGHT.

- Jules Feiffer

A Dance To Summer

2010-07-07T06:43:00.004-04:00

In this dance I symbolize the restlessness of new seasons.

The desire to escape - from boredom -

from responsibility -

from cool men -

from all the inadequate pleasures -

the desire to lift oneself out of the predictable -

and never have to return.

SOME DANCER

- Jules Feiffer

Tomorrow it begins

2010-07-06T10:47:00.005-04:00

sketch - Jules Feiffer

I start the Feiffer Dancer project tomorrow morning. I'm nervous and excited. My knee has improved a lot. It isn't completely back, about 87% I'd say - I'm thankful though. Each morning I will travel to Suny Purchase to a set in a theater just for the Dancer. We will film a dance a day with Sunday off. I was thinking of writing the text for each strip on the day that I film it. Just for fun.

I can do this. Courage!

A couple of shots from my dad's show

2010-07-05T14:14:00.003-04:00

Photos - Melanie Bopp

Dad's holiday

2010-07-03T11:23:00.003-04:00

The fourth of July is my father's holiday. It always has been, since we were kids, but now that there are grandchildren it is even better. To watch him share his joy of fireworks with the next generation of Weber/Bopps is as E says "awesome". I wish wish wish I could be with my family this weekend to join in the fun.

My dad has promised to save me some fireworks for later in the summer when I can visit.

Second Premiere

2010-06-29T02:44:00.004-04:00

Tonight is our final show in Spain. The program will be Duets, Secondhand and a Minevent.

Duets is another reconstruction specifically for the Legacy Tour and tonight will be its premiere. It is fun and lighthearted. 6 duets, about 20 minutes long. I do the second duet with Brandon Colwes. I love it. I wear bright yellow with a dark choker - ha ha. At the end of our duet I get to jump on his back and spin around.

Tomorrow we fly home.

So, this is cool

2010-06-28T13:06:00.003-04:00

The Xacobeo Festival only happens on a holy year. 2010 is a holy year, so participating in this festival is a really big deal. The next holy year is 2021! So cool.

HOLY YEAR EXPLANATION

There is a holy door at the cathedral that is only open on holy years. Once I download my pictures I will post a picture of me touching it.

Today we received bracelets that we participated in a Xacobeo year. Definitely honored!

MIS #3

2010-06-27T17:31:00.004-04:00

Maybe I should

move to Spain for a year after the Legacy Tour is over.

Spain agrees with me. It always does each time I'm here. I don't know how a Slovak German girl does so well here, but she does. Spanish speaking people also really like me - I guess it's a mutual attraction.

Anyway, I am improving physically. Still have some strides to make to be completely recovered, but it is happening. My spirit has returned...that's always the real sign that it is all going to be okay.

Two more days and we return home.

I miss my home.

8,9 and 10

2010-06-24T15:36:00.003-04:00

The Xacobeo Festival should be broken down into three cities of the Legacy Tour.

City 8 Vigo

City 9 Santiago de Compostelo

City 10 Coruna

We head out to Vigo tomorrow to do our first show in Spain. It will be Nearly Ninety 2.

Sunshine in Spain

2010-06-23T12:29:00.004-04:00

We arrived in Spain on Monday and began working today. The Galicia region is gorgeous. Sunshine all day long.

Montpellier ended up being a tough week, not only because of my knee, but also the weather was unseasonably cold and overcast. We had to cancel two shows. The whole thing was, at times tense.

I'm definitely overwhelmed by not being 100%. Sometimes it doesn't really matter if we are in the prettiest location or not...the job comes first and with that is strain, especially right now.

I know many of you are thinking of me once again. You are sending me so much love and energy and I thank you. I feel it and I am improving. I'm in the process of strengthening the muscles around my knee. The amount of swelling that I had two weeks ago prevented some important muscles from firing as they should. I'm working hard and trying not to worry.

Love to you all!

European summer festivals are the best

2010-06-14T12:11:00.005-04:00

Montpellier and Xacobeo - Cities 7 and 8

We leave for France in a couple of hours. Montpellier, which is in the south of France, has a wonderful dance festival every summer. I have been twice before with the company and both times, once in summer and once in winter, were amazing. Above is the monastery/theater we will be performing in.

After a week in Montpellier we will be traveling to the Northwest area of Spain to participate in the Xacobeo Dance Festival. We will be staying in Santiago de Compostela and running out to a couple of other cities, Vigo and Coruna.

Should be fun!

I'm the statistic

2010-06-10T14:08:00.002-04:00

I spent the morning getting another xray and evaluation. This time for my knee.

Saturday night, towards the end of Roaratorio, I felt my fibula poking the back of my knee. The next morning I woke up with swelling. I got through our shows on Sunday and Monday hoping that I wouldn't make anything worse. Thankfully I got through.

Tuesday I returned home but unfortunately a 5 hour flight didn't help the inflammation. The foundation decided it was best for me to get my knee checked up in case of a meniscal tear.

The doctor thinks I only aggravated it and typical to injuries past when my body is irritated it swells. I'm on a prescription strength anti-inflammatory. Fingers crossed that everything balances back out. We leave on Monday for Europe and the first program is 4 nights of yes, Roaratorio.

I have to figure out how to perform this piece with greater ease. It just doesn't agree with my body. First my ankle now my knee.

My doctor made me laugh though. I am trying to manage my frustration that I am injured again. He was frank but lighthearted. He said "dancers statistically get injured...right now you are the statistic."

I want to heal and feel good for awhile. Could use some healing thoughts....

Thanks!

Los Angeles

2010-05-31T20:22:00.006-04:00

Los Angeles - City #6

I head out this morning for LA. I'm leaving a day earlier than the rest of the company to spend a day with my brothers and their families. I'm excited about this trip because I have so many people to see and because we are doing our first premiere of the Legacy Tour. We are premiering a reconstruction called Roaratorio.

Roaratorio - here's a tidbit about it.

Patricia Lent and Robert Swinston restaged it this spring and I will be doing Susan Emery's original part. It is only an hour long and is filled with Irish jigs and reels (a lot of material in 6). This piece will be extremely different than everything else in the rep. I only have a handful of substantial balances, which is unusual for me. It will be fun to bounce around the stage.

The last time we performed in southern California we were in Orange County. It's been several years since we were at the Walt Disney Hall Theater in downtown LA. I remember liking the theater and the audience.

With the highs comes an occasional low

2010-05-29T19:39:00.002-04:00

Montreal was amazing. I'm not really sure why we don't perform in Canada more often. The audience was incredible. Really one of the most supportive and excited audiences that I can recall in the 6 years I have been doing this. It felt good. I was completely surprised by two friends who came the first night. I worked with them in 2006 and 2007 so it was so great to see them again. They loved it even from the nosebleed section.

I have two days before heading out again and I'm feeling the last month catching up to me. I'm tired. Work, the bike injury, the film project and always trying to look on the bright side has me a little worn out. I know I need a good night's sleep, but what I wouldn't do for a hug and a back rub right now.

When I'm tired I get sad. I just finished reading Jonathan Safran Foer's Everything is Illuminated. There is a brief section of "Sadnesses" that really got to me. Sadnesses of the Body. Sadnesses of the Covenant. Sadnesses of the Intellect. Interpersonal Sadnesses. and Sadnesses of Sex and Art. Here's an excerpt.

"Interpersonal Sadnesses: Sadness of being sad in front of one's parent; Sa(dn)ess of false love; Sadness of love (sic); Friendship sadness; Sadness of a bad convers(at)ion; Sadness of the could-have-been; Secret sadness..."

Montreal

2010-05-25T19:42:00.003-04:00

Montreal - City #5

We head out tomorrow morning for Montreal. It's a quick trip, only two shows, and then we head back Saturday. We will be performing Nearly Ninety 2.

The last time I was in Montreal was the spring/summer of 2007. It's a wonderful city. European feel yet cheaper. I'm looking forward to being in Canada again.

Windsor Farm

2010-05-23T16:41:00.006-04:00

Early this spring a community garden opened up a block from my apartment. Well, the beginnings of a community garden. There is this great guy, Tom, who has a house and a plot of land and decided to open it up to the neighborhood. Together we are preparing the soil. The hope is that we will be able to plant in a week or two. There's also compost, so I don't need to lug mine into the city anymore! Yesterday morning I volunteered for two hours. Made a rock path and turned a bit of soil, which included digging up roots (my farm experienced helped with that). I think I might be able to get my own plot to grow my own vegetables! I will need to find someone to share it with since I am single and travel a lot, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

My rock path

Turning some soil

Little brown bird looking for earthworms in the fresh dirt

Man On Wire

2010-05-22T08:34:00.002-04:00

This documentary was recommended to me awhile ago so I was really happy when I received it from Netflix this week. It is an incredible tale! Inspiring, entertaining and terrifying. I cannot believe this actually happened.

The film project

2010-05-19T07:56:00.004-04:00

Monday I had another 14 hour day on the film project. This concluded the first part of filming. Being on a film set is exhausting in a way that I am not used to. Walking around a building 25 times, with a slightly different intention each time gets daunting.

A little explanation of what I'm up to:

I have been hired to portray Jules Feiffer's The Dancer. He sketched her for many decades and the comic strips were published in the Village Voice. She was political, social, emotional, etc. She also dances. Last October, the director, producer, two choreographers and I had a two week residency to see if we could lift her off the page. The goal was to have 6 of the strips in dance form by the end of the two week rehearsal period. We had a rough 10, the 6 strongest were chosen, money was raised and we are now beginning to film. Each dance will have a "coda" that accompanies it. All the codas are The Dancer in NYC somewhere. For the last three weeks we have been filming the codas. So there's me traipsing around NY in a unitard and a wig. I've been on the Brooklyn Bridge, the Botanic Gardens, The MET museum, The Rose Planetarium, and severals spots in Central Park.

In July we will shoot the films.

15 hour day

2010-05-10T19:47:00.002-04:00

This is a glimpse of the project I'm working on. It is a film project and this picture is from the Brooklyn Botanic Gardens two weeks ago. Today I had a 15 hour day, starting on the Brooklyn Bridge at sunrise and finishing in Central Park.

More information and details later....

Lil thyme

2010-05-08T12:20:00.002-04:00

Enamored by my baby thyme plant. On the way home from the market.

Article

2010-05-06T20:09:00.001-04:00

Ash cloud/Volcano article

Busy but happy

2010-05-05T08:03:00.003-04:00

Since I've gotten back from Nice I have been pretty busy. I went back to work on Monday. Last week I also started a new project, which I will be working on here and there until July. More on that later - don't want to jinx anything.

In my free time I have been enjoying the amazing weather. I am in a constant state of bliss that it is finally sunny and warm. The park is buzzing. The markets are showing signs of spring -asparagus, rhubarb, and ramps. I became a member of the Brooklyn Botanic Gardens last weekend. Yesterday evening (before heading to Marcie and Josh's for LOST night... great episode last night!) I went to a preview plant sale at the Gardens. I got the cutest new baby plants to pot.

I'm also still healing. Left elbow and two fingers are slow going but improving.

I'll post pictures soon. Fingers crossed.

OH! And, there is a new community garden about a block away. I don't have to bring my compost into the city anymore. Yay!

Thank goodness for wound class

2010-04-29T14:42:00.002-04:00

Melanie left this morning from her annual trip to Brooklyn. We had a lot of fun, ate really good food, visited with friends and even took sometime to rest. I miss her already. I got used to her living with me - ha ha, living with me. It was fun to have someone around all of the time.

Every morning and evening we would talk to the boys and they would always ask, "Where's Andrea?",until this morning. They were really excited that mom was coming home. E asked Melanie if she thought the black tornado (he meant the black volcano) would stop her from getting home okay. He has been really intrigued by the volcano - we don't know where the black came from, and I think he was a little concerned that she would get stuck like I did.

My wounds are healing, thanks to Mel. When I got home I had a dried up patch of infected scab and lumps of swelling in my left forearm and elbow. Recently, Mel took a wound class (very cool and well, convenient for me) and she took over. It is an old way of thinking that you let wounds dry up immediately. It is actually better to keep them moist as long as the infection doesn't grow or get into the blood. The healing will be cleaner. Less chance of scarring. So this is what we did and my wound is three times smaller than when I got home Sunday night. I did have to let it dry up for a film shoot yesterday morning, because we had to put make up on it, ouch!, but now I'm back to healing.

All and all I feel great. Still coasting on the fact that I could have been really really injured. I have mean bruises that remind me to be thankful. My left arm and my right index and middle fingers not only ache a lot but are quite stiff. I'm sure my bones are still figuring out what happened.

It is really great to be back in Brooklyn.

Road Rash

2010-04-23T09:33:00.002-04:00

Mom, you might not want to read this post!

We rented bikes to Villefranche yesterday. It was an amazing day. Wind whipped through our hair as we made our way along the coast to the beautiful secluded town of Villefranche. Picnic on the beach. Good conversation. Sun shining. Some of the company had left (paid for their own tickets home) so the group yesterday was a group content to stay and enjoy the final moments on the French Riviera. No complaining. No worry. No panic.

The sun hid behind the clouds and we knew it was time to get our bikes back. This time the journey would be downhill rather than up. Heading down a short patch of traffic ridden road I began to get disoriented. The sidewalk which was high up was getting closer and closer to my wheel and I knew I was going to go down. Strangely I kept my wits about me. I knew not to hit the breaks since that would send me over the bike. I decide to hit the sidewalk before the bike threw me. Right arm down first (well, right fingers), bike to the left, went sliding onto the sidewalk on my belly. All I could think was protect my legs and my head, protect my legs and my head. Immediately I stood up and accounted for all my body parts. Emma followed soon after and said I was doing this funny little dance while patting my body and holding my right hand. Everyone was asking if I was okay. Meanwhile cars were passing my friends down the hill and telling them that I fell.

I finished riding down the hill and pulled off. This is when I realized what had happened and how lucky I was to not be seriously injured...so many others scenarios flashed through my head. I could have hit my head on the wall. I could have a broken leg or collarbone. I could have ended up in traffic. The world started spinning and closing in. I knew I was about to faint or throw up. The girls got me off the bike and sat me down until I stopped shaking.

I gathered my wits again and we walked our bikes most of the way back. The girls got me home, put me in a bath, went to the pharmacy, and cleaned me up.

My index and middle finger on my right hand are swollen and blue. I have road rash on my right forearm and shoulder. The muscle in my right forearm is strained. I have a gash on my left thumb and elbow. Road rash on my left wrist. My legs were protected by my jeans so thankfully I only have bruises on my right knee and hip. I'm pretty much bruised and scraped all over between my waist and my neck.

I feel like my dancer skills really helped me out in the situation. I know how to go down to the ground/floor and that sensibility was a blessing. I also think I have angels - but I've always thought that, this just convinced me once again.

Today I am sore and bruised but very much present to the fact that I'm lucky to be standing.

Volcano Vacation

2010-04-22T03:05:00.003-04:00

Jen emailed me this morning asking me how my Volcano Vacation was going? Very well, thank you. In fact I took a nap on the beach yesterday.

Got another email from a friend this morning with a song attachment called Volcano, the song. It's a short song with repeating lyrics which had me on the floor laughing. Here's a tidbit....

"Vol...can...o, why don't you let me go?

Vol...can...o, why can't you just make it so?"

I have funny friends.

Melanie arrives in NY tomorrow for her annual trip. I won't be back until Saturday night but we have it all figured out. She miraculously found a cheap one way ticket on Thursday to extend her trip so we have the intended time together. Jen, Tony, Judy and Ellen are all helping me out to make her time without me easier.

My friends are awesome.

Thinking of going to Villefranche today.

Cote d'Azur

2010-04-20T09:46:00.004-04:00

As most of you know, the Merce Cunningham Dance Company is spending the week on the Cote d'Azur. Of all the possibilities of where we could have been when this happened our luck COULD NOT have been better. Merce would have loved telling this story. We have chuckled over the idea on several occasions. We've even done imitations.

Since we are not on salary anymore we are trying to save money by not eating out. Lots of picnics and potlucks. Jennifer and I have the biggest room so we are hosting dinners and movies - so far every night. Night one, omelets. Night two, West Side Story sing along. Tonight, pasta night. Each room is require to bring their favorite pasta dish. Being on the Mediterranean helps make each home cooked meal delicious. Local food doesn't get any better.

We will have quite the story when people ask us years from now "Where were you when the Icelandic volcano erupted in 2010?"

Our shows went well in Monaco. My fellow dancers were beautiful...a real inspiration. I do think Merce is watching out for us....I bet he is chuckling too.

Staying put in Nice

2010-04-18T03:38:00.002-04:00

We aren't going anywhere.

We will head to Nice today to double up in a cheaper hotel. As my friend says, "we are waiting for the cloud to part". Once the ash clears we will be put on flights home by seniority. I should be in the second three to go.

So I'm on an impromptu vacation. Going to Nice. There will probably be a picnic on the beach. Maybe I'll get to step inside the Chagall musuem if it is open.

I have things waiting for me at home but I would be a fool not to enjoy this.

The ash cloud

2010-04-17T04:47:00.002-04:00

We are suppose to head home tomorrow but might be delayed here because of the volcanic ash cloud that is hovering over the UK and moving into Europe. I have another project that I am to begin on Monday and I really really want to get home. Staying in Monaco another day or two wouldn't be a terrible option, but I really need to get home. Move cloud!

Celebrating

2010-04-16T04:39:00.003-04:00

Today Merce would have turned 91.

Tonight we do our first show in Monaco. There is a piece that I am returning to this evening called Suite for Five. I haven't performed it in three years. The man that I used to do it with left the company and since the piece wasn't done very often my cast stopped performing it since we lost our leading man. I was okay with that.

Recently things changed in the company and I was cast in the part again. It is one of my favorite pieces...a huge challenge because of its stillness and its historical significance.

I am nervous to step on stage with that bright yellow leotard and tights once again. I'm so changed. I'm actually not as confidant as I used to be. Injury has humbled me. Yet, I'm honored to being doing the role again, hopefully as a more mature performer.

Could there be something magical in premiering this piece again on the evening of Merce's 91st? I hope so.

I hope Merce is watching.....

Monaco

2010-04-13T10:06:00.002-04:00

Monaco - City #4

We head to Monte Carlo, Monaco tonight. Never thought that this would be a city the Merce Cunningham Dance Company would go to.

We have two shows on Friday and Saturday, which are quite difficult. We are doing a few of my favorite pieces. Suite for Five, from the 60s and Biped, a famous piece from the 90s. Also on the programs are Xover, Crises, and a Minevent.

Emma, Marcie and I have some fun ideas of how to spend our free time. One goal will be to get on a boat somehow, and we are hoping to rent a car and have a picnic in the hills. One evening it might be fun to dress up and pretend we are rich. I thought it would be funny to dress up like a Bond girl.

My birthday WEEK, really, was amazing. Surprise after surprise. I'm hoping to post some pictures once we get back next week. Thank you for all of the beautiful messages. I feel very loved.